Author: khawagakid

Currently editing my memoir called Khawaga Kid. My first flight was age four. I fell in love with travel. I often heard people ask "Who is she? She's not from around here." Always a foreigner...even in my own family. Khawaga means foreigner in Egyptian Arabic.

Shadow Woman Speaks

I was mad at God because He won’t heal my broken family. I cannot heal my family by remaining in contact with them, but they can keep me sick. Yes, I was mad at God. Now, I am reconciled and I rely on Him to heal me.

Domestic Violence and Coercive Control. You have to fight to be free even when it means having an estranged, distant, or even monitored relationship with family members still held hostage behind the closed doors of homes all over the world.

Freedom starts in your mind. You don’t have to remain a hostage to the not so secret family secrets. I will be 58 soon. I am estranged from my entire family. It’s me and Hubby together against the world.

Mama V. Seventy-five in December. I am the only child she has living. I am the only person, especially through the Covid pandemic, that gets her to her appointments. I shop for her. Our relationship is one of control, manipulation, domination, humiliation.

V for Vicious. The woman I ran away from in 1979. The final secret of life behind the closed doors of my family. Nothing is off limits when I do not please her. She has lied to people about me and they believe her.

My parents are in what I call the Family Court Case from Hell. My parents, aged 77 and soon to be 75 have been apart since they were in their thirties. They only agree on one thing. Me. Their Khawaga Kid. I became a problem when I stopped being held hostage in my mind and emotions.

I have been humiliated time and again by the antics of the two people who brought me into this world. As their scapegoat, I became angry at God because I had to endure their insanity that once was “love”. No person, professional, clergy, agency has help for me. I felt worthless. If not for my husband as a living witness to the high degree of dysfunction in my family, I would not be here.

Yes. I was suicidal. My reality? No one believed how life really is as the adult daughter of two abusers. Not just Kabtn Khawaga…also his First Mate V. Khawaga Kid. That’s me. I may be a foreigner in this world and an outcast in my family, but I live in the safest home I ever had with my family of one, my husband.

This is my blog diary as I prepare to kick off a new endeavor called the Coastal Coercive Control Coalition, and as I preare for NaNoWriMo 2020.

I’m writing Egyptian Minutes for NaNoWriMo 2020. It’s a short story collection about my times in Egypt.

My memoir Khawaga Kid is still, like me, a work in progress.

Wires of Connectivity
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Beautiful Package, Beautiful Gift

Colossians 1:9-11. 9) For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; 10) that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; 11) strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy;

The greater part of your attractiveness–the part that draws or attracts others to you–is on the inside. If you are only concerned with what you look like, you are going to be a very shallow, superficial person. People are going to find that once they have quit playing with you, the box you came in was beautifully wrapped, but empty.

Return to the Source of your attractiveness–the Holy Spirit of God. He is the One who woos and wins the heart. When you are the Holy Spirit’s woman, He will draw you to the right people for the right purposes at just the right time.

C4 the Coastal Coercive Control Coalition Campaign kick-off on a coastal beach. Initial scouting October 14, 2020. October 31, 2020. Join me in celebrating the birth of a coalition.

Put the truth in your spirit and feed, nurture, and allow it to grow. Quit telling yourself, “You’re too fat, too old, too late, or too ignorant.” Stop feeding yourself that garbage.

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David Challen speaks out to help other victims of coercive control within the family.

On 3rd July, a statement by David Challen was read out in the House of Commons, in front of a panel of domestic violence campaigners and activists which included Harriet Wistrich of Centre for Women’s Justice, Afsana Lachaux, Rebecca Humphries, Huda Jawad, Peter Manning OBE and Fatima Mourad. The event was titled ‘Coercive Control Within […]

David Challen speaks out to help other victims of coercive control within the family.
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My Daily Med October 6, 2020

A Pattern for Praying God’s Will. 

Colossians 1:9-14–9) For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; 10) that, you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; 11) strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; 12) giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light. 13) He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, 14) in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.

Paul’s prayer for the Church at Colossae is an example of what God desires to do in every believer’s life. Although the Lord wants to hear about our physical and material concerns, we should also bring our spiritual needs to Him, as the apostle does in Colossians 1:9-14.

The Knowledge of God’s Will. In order to understand what God desires for us, we need spiritual wisdom and insight, which come from His Spirit and Word. (v.9).

A Walk Worthy of the Lord. This includes a desire to please God in every area of life, to bear lasting spiritual fruit in all we do, and to grow in our knowledge of Him through His Word (v.10).

Strength for Steadfastness and Patience–The Christian life is a marathon, not a sprint. We need God’s mighty power in order to persevere to the end. (v.11).

Gratitude for Salvation. We should never forget that we have been rescued from sin and darkness and transferred to Christ’s kingdom. (vv. 12-14).

There is nothing more effective than praying God’s Word back to Him, because our Father promises to hear and answer requests made according to His will. 1st John 5:14,15–14) Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. 15) And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him.

Paul prays for:

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V

Protector of our mother. The woman I ran away from in 1979. The woman I locked out of my house on April 3, 2019. V is short for Vicious. First Mate of Kabtn Khawaga. I am their Khawaga Kid.

Protector of Mama/Momma. Vicious V is relentless. I was the hostage of a woman in her 70’s until I locked her out of my house. It was insane and yes, I documented the entire process.

V. The final secret. I told her about my new endeavor, the Coastal Coercive Control Coalition. We had a pleasant phone conversation. But….5 hours later, she calls “Don’t have anything to do with your father.” Then she goes into the spiel.

Listen. Remain silent. “Robin, are you there?” V finally asks. “Yes, I’m here.” She conversates. I listen. She finally says, “I don’t know why you have anything to do with the asshole.” I said, “Actually, I’m dealing with two, and both of you are in denial.”

V. The woman who told me she didn’t want to hear my Psychobabble Bullshit when I told her, “Sick parents make sick kids.” Kabtn Khawaga and his First Mate V dismiss V’s suicide attempt. So does everyone else. I have tried to “get help”. There is no help available for a psychological hostage.

C4. It’s gonna be dynamite, blowing the cover on coercive control.

Awareness. Education. Prevention. Prosecution.

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Shadow Woman the Actor?

I act because it’s been easier to be a character. The Patriarchal Terrorist I used to call Daddy acts all the time. Behind closed doors he shows his true self, but I still have to act.

Act like nothing is wrong. The perfect family facade. I’ve been a hostage since October 31, 1962. I didn’t know how to break free of the Coercive Control. But I stepped out of the shadows after hearing once again,”There is nothing you can do.”

But there is something I can do. I can be a voice for the voiceless. I have founded the

C4 the Coastal Coercive Control Coalition

Preparing for my first Awareness Event in Gulfport, Mississippi on October 14, 2020.

I’m free; free to be me. Who am I? Advocate. Educator. Sharing what I have learned. With every agency, doctor, attorney, clergy, family, friends; even the Patriarchal Terrorist himself told me, “There’s nothing you can do.”

Your Move

My husband treats me like a queen. He was there on November 16, 2006 when you decided to drop back into my life. Fourteen years of not letting you drop back out when things didn’t go your way. You, the Patriarchal Terrorist.

In my memoir, you are Kabtn Khawaga and I am your Khawaga Kid.

In my fiction, you are Rico Mack and I am Khaki Mack. Rico Mack is kingpin of the Coastal Cartel. I am your nemesis, your worst nightmare; the daughter most like you, and you despise me for knowing your truth.

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NanoWriMo 2020

Putting my memoir called Khawaga Kid on hold because I actually think I’m trying to write two memoirs instead of one. Which is really confusing!

Egyptian Minutes is a short story collection I’ll be writing for my Nano project. It’s so refreshing to think about this light-hearted and fun project, I can’t wait to get started.

Are any of you out there NanoWriMo 2020 participants?

Hayfield Walking Trail for Fall and Winter Exercise Between Writing Sessions
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Henry

I’ll never forget Henry. He loved my little sister so much. I know we would both cry if I did get to see him again. Many miles, trials, lifetimes between when these pictures were taken and 2:50 am as I write through another sleepless night.

I wrote this on the day John Lewis crossed the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma, Alabama for the last time. Rest in peace, our Congressman called “The Boy from Troy”. #GoodTrouble

Henry, Sheila (the little blonde nurse) and me (the birthday girl). Halloween. Warri, Nigeria 1968.
We had our birthday party together. Sheila born October 14, 1966. Her car wreck was on July 15. 1984. She was in a coma for eleven years and two days. She died at home and peacefully in her sleep on July 17, 1995. Just as our mother prayed she would.

HENRY

I watched Congressman John Lewis cross the Edmund Pettus Bridge for the last time today. I was three years old and fifty miles away when he took that beating for equality and racial justice in America.

We lived in Warri, Nigeria 1967 thru 1969. I learned at an early age to see people as people, not as a color. We had a gardener named Henry who fought to protect my sister from a child molester. He taught me to ride a bicycle. He wanted to return with us to America, but could not because there was Civil War and Henry was twenty-three; eligible for military service.

I remember the tears rolling down his face as we left our little village. I do think of Henry often and wonder what happened to him in Nigeria. I also wonder what would have happened to him in America if he could have traveled back to Alabama with us. A white woman with two little white daughters and a very big, very protective black man.

I saw Henry cry; his tears looked like mine. I heard Henry laugh and his laughter was a booming, joyful sound that made you laugh along with him. Laughter, a universal language. On the day Henry fought to protect my sister, his blood was red, just like mine.

One thing was different about Henry. He had a heart of gold.

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My Dubai 1972-1977

Dubai. One of my favorite hometowns.

My family lived in Deira, (called Creek side) when we first arrived. Later, we moved into a villa close to the airport. The runway was just across the road. We watched the planes take off and land. One morning we saw the first Concord lift off and heard the sonic boom. We also went to the airport quite often to sit in the lounge with it’s panoramic view, watching the planes and observing the people. Many fond memories of Dubai in the 1970’s.

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Khawaga Kid Camping

Girl Scout Troop Jumeirah Beach  1974

Memories of one of my hometowns before it transformed into the glamorous city it is today. I was always a reader and soon words beguiled me, whispering sometimes; shouting at others. Stuck in my head until I freed them with my pen.

Khawaga Kid and Mama V

These were the good years, when our family was close. Kabtn Khawaga was faithful to his First Mate V. No matter where we lived in the world, my mother’s world was her home and family. We have very few photos of exotic scenery; she chose instead to capture family celebrations for birthdays and holidays. No matter where we lived, she made a cozy home for her family.

Me aka Khawaga Kid

This blog is created for my creative and emotional outlet as I finish a memoir I started for NaNoWriMo 2014. It began with another title, but halfway through, I knew it was going to be about Khawaga Kid and her life as a foreigner through moves, breakup of family, loss of friends. “Who is she?” I heard people ask. “Who am I?” I asked myself.

Goodbye Dubai

My first gig as a writer was being Editor of Jumeirah American School’s newspaper, The Desert Sands Rambler. I call my father Kabtn Khawaga in my memoir. He chose to make his secretary his mistress and decreed it was time for First Mate V and her two daughters to leave Dubai so he could be free of family to be an International Playboy. Within seven years, he became an International Deadbeat Dad.

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