Tag: #ShadowWomanSpeaks #KhawagaKid

Cry Out to the Lord

My Daily Med–December 14, 2020–HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA! ❤ 75🥰🙏I pray always for your health and happiness.

Psalm 107:23-32–23)Those who go down to the sea in ships, Who do business on great waters, 24)They see the works of the Lord, and His wonders in the deep. 25)For He commands and raises the stormy wind, which lifts up the waves of the sea. 26)They mount up to the heavens, they go down again to the depths; their soul melts because of trouble, 27)They reel to and fro like a drunken man, and are at their wits’ end. 28)Then they cry out to the Lord in their trouble, and He brings them out of their distresses. 29)He calms the storm, so that its waves are still. 30)Then they are glad because they are quiet; so He guides them to their desired haven. 31)Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men! 32)Let them exalt Him also in the assembly of the people, and praise Him in the company of the elders.

Like the sailors in this Psalm, at some point you will hit great turbulence in your life. Perhaps you are currently experiencing a storm with no end in sight. Your situation may be so serious that you wonder how you’ll ever get through it. You’ve tried everything possible to resolve the matter, but to no avail.

The solution is to do exactly what these sailors did–cry to the Lord in your trouble (v.28). He is sovereign over storms and uses them for His good purposes. God knows we sometimes need to reach the end of our own resources before we will turn to Him. When we call out to the Lord and submit to His authority over the storm, He will calm the waves in His perfect timing and guide us to safety.

The goal is not simply to escape turmoil but to learn to depend on the Lord instead of ourselves. Trusting Him to handle what we cannot will ultimately lead to gladness, thanks, and praise for His lovingkindness and intervention on our behalf. Another wonderful result will be that we tell others how faithful God has been, so they can trust Him, too.

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My Daily Med–Being A Godly Influence Daniel:1

Often we try to separate our personal lives from our spiritual lives. Many see Jesus as a way to Heaven and the solution to spiritual problems, but they fail to see that He is the solution to all of life’s problems.

We don’t have to be prominent in the world’s eyes to be an influential person. Through your example and testimony, you can help others understand who Jesus Christ is and what it looks like to live for Him.

Daniel was a godly influence not only on his friends but also on kings. Even as a youth, he was committed to obeying God’s law. When Daniel was offered food from the Babylonian king’s table, he requested vegetarian meals instead, to comply with Jewish dietary restrictions. His commitment to the Lord outweighed any fear of reprisal for rejecting the royal provisions. And God protected Daniel by giving him favor with his overseer.

Most of us won’t have an opportunity to influence global leaders but our example can impact a workplace, neighborhood, home, or future generations. A godly example is rooted in obedience to Scripture because it’s the source of wisdom. In a world tossed about by upheaval, fear, uncertainty, pandemic, our confidence in the Lord stands out and influences those around us.

I have chosen to be honest about my life behind closed doors. The truth of family dysfunction, abuse, neglect, abandonment, and in the course of my own healing, I pray that sharing my knowledge gained through decades of experience will fulfill the mission of my new endeavor called…

C4

The Coastal Coalition on Coercive Control. Awareness. Education. Prevention. Prosecution.

Light in the Darkness

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Shadow Woman Speaks

I was mad at God because He won’t heal my broken family. I cannot heal my family by remaining in contact with them, but they can keep me sick. Yes, I was mad at God. Now, I am reconciled and I rely on Him to heal me.

Domestic Violence and Coercive Control. You have to fight to be free even when it means having an estranged, distant, or even monitored relationship with family members still held hostage behind the closed doors of homes all over the world.

Freedom starts in your mind. You don’t have to remain a hostage to the not so secret family secrets. I will be 58 soon. I am estranged from my entire family. It’s me and Hubby together against the world.

Mama V. Seventy-five in December. I am the only child she has living. I am the only person, especially through the Covid pandemic, that gets her to her appointments. I shop for her. Our relationship is one of control, manipulation, domination, humiliation.

V for Vicious. The woman I ran away from in 1979. The final secret of life behind the closed doors of my family. Nothing is off limits when I do not please her. She has lied to people about me and they believe her.

My parents are in what I call the Family Court Case from Hell. My parents, aged 77 and soon to be 75 have been apart since they were in their thirties. They only agree on one thing. Me. Their Khawaga Kid. I became a problem when I stopped being held hostage in my mind and emotions.

I have been humiliated time and again by the antics of the two people who brought me into this world. As their scapegoat, I became angry at God because I had to endure their insanity that once was “love”. No person, professional, clergy, agency has help for me. I felt worthless. If not for my husband as a living witness to the high degree of dysfunction in my family, I would not be here.

Yes. I was suicidal. My reality? No one believed how life really is as the adult daughter of two abusers. Not just Kabtn Khawaga…also his First Mate V. Khawaga Kid. That’s me. I may be a foreigner in this world and an outcast in my family, but I live in the safest home I ever had with my family of one, my husband.

This is my blog diary as I prepare to kick off a new endeavor called the Coastal Coercive Control Coalition, and as I preare for NaNoWriMo 2020.

I’m writing Egyptian Minutes for NaNoWriMo 2020. It’s a short story collection about my times in Egypt.

My memoir Khawaga Kid is still, like me, a work in progress.

Wires of Connectivity
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Shadow Woman the Actor?

I act because it’s been easier to be a character. The Patriarchal Terrorist I used to call Daddy acts all the time. Behind closed doors he shows his true self, but I still have to act.

Act like nothing is wrong. The perfect family facade. I’ve been a hostage since October 31, 1962. I didn’t know how to break free of the Coercive Control. But I stepped out of the shadows after hearing once again,”There is nothing you can do.”

But there is something I can do. I can be a voice for the voiceless. I have founded the

C4 the Coastal Coercive Control Coalition

Preparing for my first Awareness Event in Gulfport, Mississippi on October 14, 2020.

I’m free; free to be me. Who am I? Advocate. Educator. Sharing what I have learned. With every agency, doctor, attorney, clergy, family, friends; even the Patriarchal Terrorist himself told me, “There’s nothing you can do.”

Your Move

My husband treats me like a queen. He was there on November 16, 2006 when you decided to drop back into my life. Fourteen years of not letting you drop back out when things didn’t go your way. You, the Patriarchal Terrorist.

In my memoir, you are Kabtn Khawaga and I am your Khawaga Kid.

In my fiction, you are Rico Mack and I am Khaki Mack. Rico Mack is kingpin of the Coastal Cartel. I am your nemesis, your worst nightmare; the daughter most like you, and you despise me for knowing your truth.

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