You taught me a lot. Both of you. All of you.
You both taught me to know my enemy.
You taught me a lot. Both of you. All of you.
You both taught me to know my enemy.
Hey you, yeah you. You think court is a good idea? So do I! Validation seeing your signature on a document full of lies and obfuscation. Desperately trying to keep that power and Coercive Control over your First Mate V. I won’t let you. I told you many times before and I tell you again…
YOU HAVE THE REST OF THE WORLD WHERE YOU’VE MANAGED TO EVADE, AVOID, CONTINUE TO FINANCIALLY ABUSE YOUR FIRST MATE V. YOU CANNOT HAVE AMERICA NOW THAT YOU WANT TO RETURN AFTER 40 YEARS OF FRAUD.
Not a battleground
I stand my ground
A new sound
No fists pound
By Friendly Fire
New ground broken
Like this red road
But won’t break
I don’t stalk
WHAT IS COERCIVE CONTROL?
Perpetrators of coercive control are domestic violence abusers who resort to illegal acts in order to further abuse their victim.
Coercive Control is all about power for the perpetrator. They will use emotional, mental, financial, verbal, and physical abuse. Criminalizing coercive control in the most egregious deadbeat parent cases is necessary because these perps enjoy wreaking havoc. They will destroy lives without mercy.
Coercive control is a callous and calculated pattern of behavior by the perpetrator. Criminal acts perpetrated by someone with malicious intent on innocent victims should be held accountable for their actions in Court.
My blog is my writing world post-NaNo2020. Emerging. Becoming.
The birthday message that changed me:
DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE (1)
It is difficult to grow spiritually if you have offense in your heart. When you walk in blessing, love, and forgiveness, you will experience God’s peace and power. Are you having a tough time letting go of offense? I did.
October 31, 2020. Birthday number 58. I was ready to get well. Something everyone should know–You cannot heal spiritual disease with worldly cures. I have taken this message from Joyce Meyer Ministries as my Year 58 Pledge. DON’T TAKE OFFENSE. You can refuse to TAKE the offense offered.
What kinds of things offend us? When someone doesn’t appreciate my work, or me; when people talk at me and don’t listen to me, I got offended. Another person ignored me, my father’s abuse and fraud. That is the biggy and the one that set me free and started the healing of my soul sickness. Wow! What a force Christians could be on this earth if we could all just decide to love each other and stop criticizing people who don’t think exactly the way we think. When we get to heaven, there will not be designated sections for each denomination. We have this life here on earth to practice getting along.
WE NEED TO SEEK UNITY IN DIVERSITY
We must unify around our differences in our lives. Learn how to disagree agreeably and appreciate the differences in people.
One of Paul’s Apostolic Power Prayers is Philippians 1:9-11–9) And this I pray, that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and in discernment, 10) That you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense til the day of Christ, 11) being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. ***I pray you might approve things that are excellent; that you may be SINCERE and WITHOUT OFFENSE until Christ returns.*** Psalm 119:165–Great peace have they who love Your law; nothing shall offend them or make them stumble.***
There are certain things you can put on your prayer list, and these things are important enough to pray every day. Pray every morning that for this day, you will not be offended and get mad at anyone. Just to be able to say to the Lord when you say your prayers at night, “Lord, I’m happy to say that I can go to sleep tonight and I’m not mad at anyone.”
Furthermore, if you want to be a seriously committed Christian, you will lay aside your emotions and what you think, and you will be committed to not going to bed angry. Don’t wait for the other person to make it right, just go ahead and be first.
When you wake up in the morning, pray, “God, keep me strong so I do not spend my day offended.” Say to yourself, “Today, I choose to not be offended no matter what happens.”
Coastal Coercive Control Coalition (C4) is a proactive approach to continued abuse within my family. I have been instructed to share my own personal experience with the detrimental effects of coercive control. The most insidious thing about coercive control is that the abuser does not have to be present in your life to inflict this type of abuse.
COERCIVE CONTROL is an established pattern of abuse. Some abusers will even commit crimes to maintain control of their intended victim, and they do not care who else is hurt in the process.
C4 Slogan–Hurt people hurt people. Part of my outreach will be addressing the effects of domestic violence, which I believe is a Generational Curse and only healing soul sickness will break it.
C4. The Coastal Coercive Control Coalition. Awareness. Education. Prevention. Prosecution.
My sons called you Aunt Sheesh. You were my sidekick through life; an early birthday gift the year I turned four. I can’t forget having to leave you and our poodle NiNi when I ran away from Mobile, AL in July of 1979. You’re both dead now. I have survivor’s guilt. It’s still hard to write the word dead for the two of you; deaths caused by friendly fire on the battlefield of the family wars.
I flew away in the middle of the night, leaving everything that was precious to me behind, except for my independence. I could not live a prisoner of war, home is a foreign place, an enemy camp. I failed you and NiNi. I could not keep you safe. The grief is deep in my heart for the way you lived the last eleven years and two days of your life. I feel you and NiNi waiting for me. You did nothing that requires my forgiveness.
Dear Kabtn Khawaga,
The unforgiveness that burdened me for decades almost killed me. Feeling like I had to prove myself worthy of your love and attention, to not be excluded from your life.
2015. Comprehension of your contempt for your first family. A vengeful storm brewed, wreaking havoc in my spirit. Spewing toxins like an oilfield, poisoning my environment. We three females of your first family were only discards in your poker hand. I wanted you to pay with the only currency that matters in your world. Cold, hard CA$H. Dollars earned by any means necessary. Your money is blood money, earned with the life of my sister and the shattering that created V. V. Protector of our mother, found guilty of loving and believing in you.
Dangled carrots, bloody turnips. You, Kabtn; dropping in and out of my life, on a whim. 2007. You realized I was no longer buying your lies and bankrupting myself in the process. You tried to drop back out when I returned to America after my visit to your family home in Alexandria, Egypt. I fight for my family, Kabtn. Your sister the Bulldog and your fourth wife the Diva hide you behind their skirts. You like to keep your harem stirred and fighting, it keeps them distracted while you do whatever floats your boat. In the days before my departure from your home in Alex, I felt the freeze as you retreated, turning colder. I watched in disbelief when you ” played” with Sunny the way you “played” with me. Diva was there the three times I witnessed it, but you were so brazen the last time…outside, in the ground floor flat’s garden. Under the window of the Atelier owned by Sadat’s family. The gates had bars and we were at the corner of two busy streets. People looked through those bars at the Khawaga married to his Alexandrian Diva. This time, I knew why. I found all I needed to know about you as the Familiar Stranger, the International Deadbeat Dad.
You are Kabtn Khawaga in my memoir. I am your Khawaga Kid. The daughter holding onto the grief of my dead family; I was destroying not only myself, but the lives of my loved ones. I end this letter with words that lead to healing for the health of my family. Please forgive me. I forgive you.
Aswan in August
Boarding our felucca
To cruise the Nile
You point to a word
“What does that say?”
You ask. I reply
“Captain spelled Kabtn”
A good memory
Of a good day
The word game
A man once called Daddy
Played with his first daughter