Trial Set

December 15, 2021. I plan to host a few small beach events while I wait for the trial. International Deadbeat Dad feels “unsafe to the point of fearing for his life.” He hates my truth and fears my voice speaking truth. Just the same ages old story really. Abuser seeking silence from one of his victims. He should know me better than that! I have exercised my right to not remain silent since I was eight. That’s when I found out that all families didn’t live like we did behind closed doors. Working on my memoir Khawaga Kid. Building C4 my Coastal Coalition EXPOSING Coercive Control.

Fertile Ground

Planting New Ideas
Allowing Space for Growth

Fertile Ground

Not a battleground

I stand my ground

A new sound

Buzzes around

Silence

No fists pound

My flesh

They frowned

I cringed

Wings singed

By Friendly Fire

I fly

Aboveground

Not buried

Underground

Circle round

Unbroken

Words spoken

New ground broken

Planting seeds

Of freedom

International Deadbeat Parents

Setting sail in new waters…Drafting a Bill named after my discarded, disabled, deceased sister. #SheilasLaw

These deadbeat parents are the hardest to catch. In my family, International Deadbeat Dad’s callous neglect of my comatose sister, simply because his urge to maintain coercive control of our mother was unfathomable to me. He lived in luxury traveling the world with assorted mistresses and wives.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

My mother stopped receiving wage garnished spousal and child support. My sister lost her insurance because international oil companies enable these greedy deadbeat types to hide their employment. I wondered for years what was in it for the oil and insurance corporations that “dropped” my sister after she suffered Traumatic Brain Injury, becoming dependent on her parents for life, only a month and a half after high school graduation. Her wreck was on July 15, 1984. She turned 18 on October 14, 1984.

Our mother sold most of her jewelry. He showered her with matching sets of diamond, ruby, sapphire, emerald, opal, onyx, Pearl. Watches, bracelets, these gifts poured in while domestic abuse poured out. She cashed in the insurance policy she was awarded in the divorce. She took care of my sister round the clock, but started cleaning other town homes in their complex to pay their rent. Down through the cracks they fell, evicted from their nice town home, my sister moved by ambulance. I lived three hours away, but made it to their place in 90 minutes after my mother called and told me the deputies were putting them and their belongings out on the street. Her fine collection of porcelain handled like thrift shop fare, their laundry scattered everywhere. That’s what I saw when I arrived in 1987.

Another court date on March 3, 2021? Yes. It’s lasted that long. My sister died on July 17, 1995. She was on SSI, taken care of by taxpayers. The only house she would ever have in her name, this wounded and discarded daughter who was planning on college and a career as a pharmacist. She died in her sleep at home, just like my mother prayed she would. Now my mother must move out of the home, but still no money from International Deadbeat Dad…

He dropped in and out of my life over the years. He dropped back on November 16, 2006 with a fourth wife from Alexandria, Egypt and their three-year-old daughter. I hadn’t seen or heard from him in seven years. I was invited to visit them in their home in Alexandria. I wanted to observe this serial abuser, nineteen years into the conspiracy to defraud my sister and mother. Yes, I would go, knowing how it would wind up for me, but I had to observe him in his own habitat. When I did see him sporadically over those years 1984 through 2006, it was on surprise visits at the end of his State-side vacation. The women changed; assorted mistresses and now on my third stepmother. I have two half-sisters, the oldest 40 years younger than me. The youngest 46 years younger than me. In writing, I call them Sunny and Georgie. I held Georgie in my arms only on one visit they made to my home in 2009. She was two months old.

That two month visit to his home in Egypt was bittersweet. We had some good times. But also, the bad…life behind closed doors that I remembered so well. No, he hadn’t changed, but I had. I saw what I needed to see. He was still working for that same international oil company, just hidden “behind” other companies. By the time I returned to the States, he was already trying to drop back out of my life, but I wouldn’t let him. My mother’s been financially abused by him for 40 years. He maintains his power over her by breaking laws in this country, but working and living in Egypt. He’s got me in court now, in his State. My mother has a lis denfens on a house worth almost the $420,000.00 he owes on a judgment he refuses to pay. The house is in wifey’s name. Again. Mama is seventy-five years old now. He hates that I call him International Deadbeat Dad, but, it is what it is. He will not silence me, he doesn’t scare me.

We had the hearing this past Thursday, May 20, 2021. Sunny graduated high school yesterday. They’ll be in Alexandria for the summer. He retired in 2019 and has not paid my mother since then. I tell him he will not be allowed to live peacefully in America without paying my mother what he owes her. I tell him he’s got two choices. One, pay my mother all he owes her and free himself of the looming contempt of court charges. Two, moves his old ass back to Egypt.

What’s in it for the oil and insurance companies that helped him hide his employment? Well, the insurance company saved $800,000.00 by dropping my comatose sister in 1987. The oil company saves by making him a contractor, not an employee. I personally know of five other men, all contractors, all with young wives of different nationalities and their “new”  families.

Bottom line? It’s all about greed. They are the reason I’m drafting this Bill. By the way, my mother worked from 1987 until 1998 with a senator and a congressman to get the Deadbeat Parents Punishment Act of 1998 passed. I don’t know how many families it’s helped, but it didn’t help mine. That’s why I have founded C4, Coastal Coalition EXPOSING Coercive Control. Sheila’s Law will Criminalize Coercive Control in Gulf Coast States. I begin in his hometown this summer while he’s away in Egypt. This law will punish the Deadbeat Parent, but also I seek punishment for the companies that shield them.

March 3, 2021. Mama can’t travel much. It took us over twelve hours to make our 4 hour trip home. I took her on a drive she wanted to make down memory lane. It rained the whole time. We saw the townhome. It was empty. I got out and peeked in the windows, saw the kitchen Mama made so many good meals in. I ran around back and looked through the sliding glass doors, into the dining room that was my sister’s room. Her hospital bed there, so she could be in on all the family visits, not upstairs tucked away. I broke down and my face was wet, but not from rain. Released pain…

We drove to the housing project they lived in. Still the same next door neighbors. We visited for about an hour. The house in Sheila’s name, her poodle NiNi buried outside her bedroom, just on the other side of where Sheila’s bed was. Mama’s work in the yard, her only enjoyment because she couldn’t, or wouldn’t leave my sister with only a nurse’s aid. Yes, by the time my sister died, she had her Momma and 4 hours of a nurse’s aid. Our Mama/Momma worked long and hard to keep her baby girl healthy. So hard, in fact, that Sheila’s skin was still healthy, not one bedsore in eleven years and two days. She taught my sister how to communicate. If only that Internstional Deadbeat we used to call Daddy had valued her quality of life instead of his own selfish impulse and greed, she could have learned more in TBI rehabilitation centers. The government doesn’t pay for those.

International Deadbeat Dad never visited. There isn’t one picture of him with his daughter after her accident. Sheila cried sometimes…heart breaking sobs sometimes, quiet tears other times. It still breaks my heart, thinking of her tears and all those lonely years…I can only imagine being trapped like she was in a body she couldn’t control, but her mind still worked and she had thoughts and feelings. She was loved. Precious, valuable, priceless to us, but not to the deadbeat who has me in court for calling him a deadbeat. Using his picture. Yes, our Department of Justice has Deadbeat Most Wanted posters on it, but his face isn’t on them. He objects to being the poster boy for C4. I object to his ongoing conspiracy to defraud and financially abuse my mother.

We lost her twice. Sheila graduating 1984. Sheila and me 1992.

Criminalize Coercive Control!

The Gypsy, my little sister. The Welder, me…anything to please the man formerly known as Daddy.

Jumeira American School. Dubai, U.A.E. Go Falcons! Outside the home, our facade intact. The “Perfect All American Family.” Behind closed doors, we were hostages and silent witnesses to Domestic Abuse. His two worlds were colliding, so “his” family of females ordered to return to USA so he could be public with his mistress. Cracks were showing in our world.

Kabtn Khawaga continues to do all three.

The Family Court Case from Hell…on summer break so Kabtn can fly back to Egypt with his fourth family…three females, born in Alexandria, Egypt. For every action there is an opposite reaction. Because this man is an abuser, I became a voice for change, speaking out. Telling my truth to help others offends him because I break the family code of domestic violence perpetrators and victims…silence.

Emancipated Daughter…waiting for American Judicial Justice…40 years and counting.

He’s slithered away once more, but I’m here and working while waiting for a Trial Date…Complaint and Summons to Appear…he seeks to silence me. I work on C4–Coastal Coalition EXPOSING Coercive Control. Mission of C4? Awareness. Education. Prevention. Prosecution.

Shining light in dark places.

C4 is 4U! You have the right to not remain silent! Silence keeps you a victim…fight for survival. Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes. Waiting for a Trial Date is progress on my journey. It means I will be heard even though the abuser used his usual coercive tactics, his abuse is now evidence entered by him as court documents. While Kabtn Khawaga is on vacay, Emancipated Daughter is working away, planning public awareness campaigns!

In Motion

April 30, 2021–First scheduled Awareness and Education lecture.

WHAT IS COERCIVE CONTROL?

Perpetrators of coercive control are domestic violence abusers who resort to illegal acts in order to further abuse their victim.

Coercive Control is all about power for the perpetrator. They will use emotional, mental, financial, verbal, and physical abuse. Criminalizing coercive control in the most egregious deadbeat parent cases is necessary because these perps enjoy wreaking havoc. They will destroy lives without mercy.

Coercive control is a callous and calculated pattern of behavior by the perpetrator. Criminal acts perpetrated by someone with malicious intent on innocent victims should be held accountable for their actions in Court.