My Daily Med
Your praise isn’t just an expression of your joy. You actually are doing battle in the spirit realm. While you are praising God–swoop!–the angels of God are stopping your enemy in His tracks. Swoop!–the angels of God are scattering your enemy!
Furbabies. My Warm Fuzzies.
Meet part of my Furbaby Family. These three usually join me for early morning My Daily Med and first words of the day.
Khawaga Kid and Kabtn Khawaga. Kabtn Khawaga is my father. I am his Khawaga Kid. My mother is his First Mate V. I am writing a memoir called The Family Court Case from Hell.
I changed the name of my 10th anniversary “card” to hubby. It’s called Howdy Neighbor. Arrowhead Season is a chapter and also a poem.
Confidence Amidst Distress
Does it seem as if the world today is constantly changing? I know it seems that way to me. This might cause us to be filled with anxiety unless we remember that “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). Disturbing times should remind us we are only pilgrims on this earth. Our citizenship is in a heavenly kingdom that can never be shaken.
The commotion of this present world is nothing unprecedented. 1944 was a year of tremendous turmoil in our country because of WWII. Many people anxiously listened to the evening news, fearing the death of loved ones as battles were reported.
When times are frightening and uncertain–whether personally, nationally, or globally–the place to find comfort and assurance is the Bible, especially the book of Psalms. Scripture helps us look circumstances from God’s perspective. That reassures us of His love and care for us and lifts our eyes to a higher hope than anything this world can offer.
We all want to find peace, and the first step is to cease striving–Psalm 46:10–Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!
Remember that the Lord is always with you, and know that His kingdom is coming.
Mushroom in Sunshine
My blog is my writing world post-NaNo2020. Emerging. Becoming.
Mama’s Gingerbread House
Needs a touch up, so I took it to her yesterday. She will wash it, block it, and have the lace sitting “just so” when she works her magic. I have the last real Christmas Tree she decorated. She gave it to me, changing her Christmas decor; her little cozy place of her own. I wanted her to have her beautiful gingerbread creation. Although it’s tiny, a lot of love and time were invested in this project she completed in 1986.
To My “Haters”
2020 a year of maintenance and housekeeping. Who to keep? Who to let go? Forgiving and preserving fond memories.
To the Father of My Children
Ashes of Roses
I hold the
Dried rose petals
Whispering a prayer
I strike a match
To incinerate memories
Free of shadows
Ashes of roses
Second Letter from UrHere, A Woman Cave
Dear First Mate V,
You did not want to live without Kabtn Khawaga when he destroyed your world and left you without a backward glance. He physically, verbally, mentally and emotionally abused you, but it was his infidelity that broke you and you finally divorced him. He continues to mentally, emotionally and financially abuse you for what he perceives as your rejection of him. Kabtn wanted his Kate and Edith too. What he’s doing to you is called Coercive Control.
It is time for you to have a good life for yourself again. The best gift you could ever give me is yourself and your illustrations of stories I’m writing about your life. I admire you for your devoted and selfless care of my brain injured sister. You two were abandoned and neglected by Kabtn. Left without financial support, homeless, and zero emotional support from Kabtn and his merry band of fraudsters.
Sadness, anger, hurt. I felt these emotions and more when you told me you tried to kill yourself; not to hurt anyone, but to stop hurting. It felt like you wanted to abandon us too. I did not run away from you, our Mama/Momma. I ran away from V. Now I understand so much more. Please forgive me. I forgive you.
Elements in relation
Daughter’s water douses
Boils daughter’s water
First Letter from UrHere, a Woman Cave
Dear Kabtn Khawaga,
The unforgiveness that burdened me for decades almost killed me. Feeling like I had to prove myself worthy of your love and attention, to not be excluded from your life.
2015. Comprehension of your contempt for your first family. A vengeful storm brewed, wreaking havoc in my spirit. Spewing toxins like an oilfield, poisoning my environment. We three females of your first family were only discards in your poker hand. I wanted you to pay with the only currency that matters in your world. Cold, hard CA$H. Dollars earned by any means necessary. Your money is blood money, earned with the life of my sister and the shattering that created V. V. Protector of our mother, found guilty of loving and believing in you.
Dangled carrots, bloody turnips. You, Kabtn; dropping in and out of my life, on a whim. 2007. You realized I was no longer buying your lies and bankrupting myself in the process. You tried to drop back out when I returned to America after my visit to your family home in Alexandria, Egypt. I fight for my family, Kabtn. Your sister the Bulldog and your fourth wife the Diva hide you behind their skirts. You like to keep your harem stirred and fighting, it keeps them distracted while you do whatever floats your boat. In the days before my departure from your home in Alex, I felt the freeze as you retreated, turning colder. I watched in disbelief when you ” played” with Sunny the way you “played” with me. Diva was there the three times I witnessed it, but you were so brazen the last time…outside, in the ground floor flat’s garden. Under the window of the Atelier owned by Sadat’s family. The gates had bars and we were at the corner of two busy streets. People looked through those bars at the Khawaga married to his Alexandrian Diva. This time, I knew why. I found all I needed to know about you as the Familiar Stranger, the International Deadbeat Dad.
You are Kabtn Khawaga in my memoir. I am your Khawaga Kid. The daughter holding onto the grief of my dead family; I was destroying not only myself, but the lives of my loved ones. I end this letter with words that lead to healing for the health of my family. Please forgive me. I forgive you.
Aswan in August
Boarding our felucca
To cruise the Nile
You point to a word
“What does that say?”
You ask. I reply
“Captain spelled Kabtn”
A good memory
Of a good day
The word game
A man once called Daddy
Played with his first daughter